Whose the expert?

Well I went to the doctors and I told him I wasn't any better than Sunday his response was "well if you are no better we'll admit you". I then tried to explain to him how I was feeling but he waved his hand dismissively and said he would sound my chest.

He informed me that "it didn't sound too bad" and "or particularly tight". He seemed to ignore my obvious shortness of breath, failed to check or even enquire about my peak flow which had been running 45% down through the night or even carry out any other tests.

He handed me another course of prednisolone, a sick note and sent me on my way so all in all not a very satisfactory conclusion. Yes its lovely to be in my own home, but I feel rather disappointed with my GPs attitude as he is normally very good.

So I am still at home sitting it out and hoping I turn the corner soon. I am using my nebuliser regularly something which my GP suggested though he said that the way my chest sounded he wasn't convinced I needed it. I know that the way I am feeling I need it and it is helping the alleviate the level of breathlessness I am experiencing. To be honest I am treating my asthma as I know best from personal experience and taking little notice of my GPs advice.

At the end of the day who is the expert on my illness?

Things not looking too good

I am not doing well, I am not responding that well to my medication and not feeling much better all. I am heading back to the doctors tomorrow but I wouldn't be too suprised if I get admitted. My friend K is sitting with me for a couple of hours and will be looking after the lads and will bring my overnight bag in if I go in.

My friend B is on "nightwatch" on case things get worse and I need to call an ambulance through the night and has various peoples numbers so she can contact the appropriate people, my friends, minister and sisters.

My parents may not bother much with me but I am so blessed to have amazing friends.

Breathing my way through 24 hours

Many peoples perception is asthma is that of a relatively minor illness that needs a couple of puffs of an inhaler and everything will be fine. I wish it was really like that, my asthma is pretty severe and my situation will not apply to everyone but here's a brief summary of the past 24 hours in my life.

2am Monday morning I awake coughing get up, check my peakflow and nebulise, ventolin and atrovent. I alert my tutor to my predicament, she tells me not to worry. In case you are wondering she wasn't up at 2am as well she lives in Canada so it was probably a perfectly social hour there.

5.30am Unable to settle because of the cough and breathlessness and getting concerned as neb isn't really lasting. Decide to have a ventolin neb and if that doesn't work I am dialing 999.

6am Neb has worked and I feeling better. Still can't sleep feeling exhausted and lonely.

8.30am Neb atrovent and ventolin again as starting to feel uncomfy again.

9.00am Finally feel more comfy and stable and at last around 9.30am I settle off to sleep.

1.15pm I awake, ring sick and then get up. Feeling very breathless and wheezy, back on the neb again atrovent and ventolin. Take my oral steroids, regular inhaler and tablet.

1.45pm Start getting dressed and ready for the day as rough as I feel making an appearance at the chemist in my PJs is not going to go down well. I have enough to deal with right now without adding getting arrested to my tally of lives little challenges.

2pm As my head is banging and my side is hurting were I have the infection I take some codeine and some paracetamol. Also ring the garage to tell them that I won't be bringing the car in today.

3.30pm Finally feel ready to face the world and walk out to my car (thank goodness I can drive) and head to Sainsburies. Breathless on getting to the car have a couple of puffs of my ventolin inhaler. Hand my script in and take a ssslllllooooowwww walk round the store while clutching on to a trolley. Turns out this episode of poorliness produces some advantages a reduce price ready meal for me and some reduced price veggies for the boys. Curly Kale 50 per cent extra free and 30p off. It take 5 bags and 2 bags of reduced price spinach. I will have happy pigs when I get home. Get my anti biotics, crikes they're like horse pills! Go to the till an elderly gentleman is behind me with two walking sticks in his trolley, he too is using his trolley as a walking aid. His informs me that he has just noticed his mince pies are buy one get one free. I offer to get him another box, there is always someone worse than me and I am willing to help. I totter off to get his mince pies, I hope he enjoys them, he was such a lovely man.

4.30pm Arrive back home, knackered. Take anti biotic.

5pm Mouth feels like something furry has died in it, the anti biotics are repeating and they taste foul and I am so dry.

6pm Time for some more nebs this time as well as using atrovent and ventolin I add a couple of saline to try and loosen the pond life in my lungs. It works but its exhausting to shift even the smallest amount. Then I wash up even that presents a slight challenge but if I washed up more frequently then maybe I wouldn't have as many pots to wash in the first place.

8pm head over to friends to care for her gorgeous nutty cat Z

8.10pm Potter round B's house do a bit of housework, its hard work even though I have done only a small amount but I enjoy it, it makes me feel useful. Make the bed while avoiding Z s paws waving in the air. He wants attention and a cuddle.

8.45pm Sit down and Z sits down on me, ensuring I stay put.

9pm Get told off by B for doing her housework while I am poorly. I don't like people fussing or worrying over me. I rest. My joints hurt a lot as well.

10.15pm Head home

10.30pm Sit, chill watch a DVD Casualty 1909. Put some ice cubes in the fridge to suck on as my mouth feels like the bottom of a budgies cage.

11pm Make some supper, high calorie easy to make, easy to eat. The noise of chopping onions send boys in to a tizwaz, I giggle as I listen to them squeaking and rampaging around their cages demanding more food even though they have only been fed a 3 hours early. I treat them to some spinach.

12pm time for another neb atrovent, ventolin and 2 saline

1am time for bed utterly exhausted, I have a hospital appointment in the morning at 9.30am I need to be up early so that I can take my morning meds and get pulled round in time. Then I have to battle through early morning traffic. Pants

2am Just settling down and I am disturbed by a bad coughing fit, PF isn't to bad so I have a few puffs of my inhaler via a spacer which helps a little.

2.45am Still coughing I concede defeat and take 2.5mg of ventolin. Bring up loads of gunk. Amuse my self by listening to "Bob the Builder" on my phone I no idea how that got on there but I will be singing "Big fish, little fish cardboard box, we are all having fun" for several days now. Except I am not, well not right now anyway.

3.30am I am still up totally wiped out now. Off to try for bed again. Night all

An update

I am not very sure how many people read my blog my stats don't move much.

Anyway its time for an update. I managed to get caught up with a little of my studying and received really good feedback from my mentor for the practice portfolio that I carried out for unit 1. Each unit has a practice portfolio which has to be successfully completed so I can prove my professional development throughout my course. This is because the course is deemed as such and at the end of it I shall be awarded (that is if I pass) Graduate Diploma in Professional Development (Counselling Skills).

At the moment I am not terribly well a minor cold had landed on my lungs and turned into a left sided chest infection as a result I am really quite breathless and needing my nebuliser every 2 and half to 4 hours which isn't good. Reluctantly I have rang sick, the doctor looked at me incredulous when I asked him if I could work, his response was something along the lines of no way could I cope given my level of breathlessness. I am also on the usual steroids and anti biotics.

This has lead to a debate breaking out on an online forum I am a member of, should or should you not have the "swine flu jab"? Not for healthy people one person decried. I chose to put the cat among the pigeons and ask "well does the fact that I have asthma make me unhealthy?" "Well no" came the reply "but, I don't see the point of filling yourself with junk and having the swine flue shot if you don't need it" fair point. However my counter argument is "if this is what a cold can do to me what can swine flu do?" It would also mean filling myself up with far more junk than I currently am in order to get over it and filling up a hospital bed.

Tomorrow I have a rheumotolgy appointment, which reminds me I need to find the letter before I go, hopefully I will find out what is really wrong with my joints and maybe get some answers and better pain relief. I'll keep you updated. After that its off to the garage to get my cars damage assessed, peoples estimates are rising higher all the time. Oops.

Rats

On Friday the 13th as a result of a split second distraction and loss of concentration I pranged my car waving goodbye to 3 and half years no claims bonus. The other car appears undamaged mine is scratched and dented from end to end. At first I thought it was only minor and I wouldn't need to contact my insurance company but a further inspection of the damage in the daylight revealed that it was more extensive than I first thought.

I am also full of cold, my lungs have caught up but so far I am coping. I am really hoping that I don't need to ring sick.

On a much better note I was asked to share how I became I Christian with the Children's and Youth groups at my church, it went very well and I thank God for that some people described it as very powerful and having a profound impact on them. My minister was so amazed at what he heard he asked me to share it with the whole church, after some deliberation I said yes I know it will be very difficult but a story has no power and impact without its telling.

Manic madness

My apologies for not post for so long its been manic here and both physically and mental I am rather tired. There is not much in the way of exciting news to tell you here, just the usual stuff but I am trying to deal with a couple "psychological challenges" but all my efforts result it all leaking out my ears.

My studying is miles behind but as I am off this week I am making a concerted effort to get caught up. My tutor has sent me several e mail expressing his concern over my behindness.

One piece of good news is the fact that despite it now being November and rather cold I am staying very well at the minute.