Mixed news

First the good news and then the bad

Firstly and I am not sure how I got my case study in on time, all 16000 words/50 pages of it. It was hell, I was in so much pain at the end that I felt physically sick but daren't take my tramadol as it make me drowsy and I couldn't afford that to happen. I have come so far and to loose my graduate diploma on that was too much to contemplate.

Secondly, the bad news I saw my chest consultant the other day and effectively the light at the end of tunnel has had the bulb removed. I feel rather fragile at the minute, I know that there are others in a far worse position than me and I feel selfish feeling this way over it but its crap and I hate it. Added to this I had an asthma attack last night and this morning it remained bad so off to the doctors I went and was issued with a course of prednisolone and a further "rescue course" so we shall wait and see.

Sparky my guinea pig has been rather poorly but he is most definitely on the mend now, this was demonstrated this morning when he went completely back end over off the top of his bed with paws flying everywhere and a idnignated look at the end which said to his mum who laughing her head off "you didn't see that did you?" We head back to the vets for a check up in the morning.

Snowball

Sorry I haven't post for a while sometimes I am not sure what to blog about as my life seems well, boring.

There is much happening here I am busy with work I have just started an 8 week stint of nights, my friend B is in hospital I am doing my best to help and support B and my sisters wedding is looming large in the horizon. On Friday I am heading into Yorkshire to collect two guinea pigs for a rescue. Please anyone reading this, if you plan to get a pet think it through very, very carefully. A pet is for life, they are great fun and can add a very special extra dimension to your life but their is price to pay both personally and financially so please think about it carefully before you commit. Can you offer your potential pet a a loving, caring home for life? My personal opinion is, is that the costs involved in having a pet are hardly noticed if you genuinely love and care for your pet because they give you so much you will want to ensure that your pet has a happy life where it is cosseted and loved.

Anyway moving on, the winter is dragging on and my arthritis is really playing up. Last night I woke in severe pain though I lay in my bed for several minutes trying to work out what was wrong before twigging. I got up feeling totally fed up, I was exhausted and needed sleep. B, despite being in hospital was on hand via text message to support me and Sparky was more than happy to act as an extra hot water bottle and sit with me, enjoying the attention and cuddles. I had a hot bath, hot chocolate, hot water bottle and lots of painkillers and around 5am I settled back off to sleep not waking again till 2pm. I awoke feeling achy like I had been kicked by a horse so had more painkillers and rested for the rest of the day.

At 7pm as I waited for my painkillers to work I decided to try a "heat rub", I usually use "deep heat" but my nana recommended the one she uses, claiming its better than deep heat. I can't remember its name and given that its now in the bin I can't even check it. I rubbed it into my back, left wrist and both ankles. Within minutes the areas concerned became red and began to itch, I was soon scratching like a cat with a serious flea infestation. It because very obvious, very soon that to add to the problems that I already had I was suffering from an allergic reaction. I took an anti-histamine and some steroids to protect my lungs and had a long soak in a bath with a lot hydromol bath oil added, hydromol is what I am prescribed for my eczema. I got out the bath and noticed that the redness had become much more wide spread and I looked like I had been scolded though my bath water was not that hot and I still couldn't stop scratching. I lathered myself with both steroid cream and hydromol moisturiser. It seems to have settled down a lot but I am still itchy. Tonight has not been a good night.

Cathartic

I am not sure whether or not I am strong enough to write this post, the events of last weekend are still very much playing around in my mind but as the police helicopter is hovering around outside disturbing my sleep I thought I would grab a cuppa and at least make some attempt at explaining last weekends events.

Last Wednesday I developed, after feeling generally unwell for a couple of days the first signs of a "something going wrong" with my asthma around 10pm and text my friend B to inform her of this. On Thursday morning I woke feeling rough, grateful that I had been assigned to work in the the office that day. I rang my GP in the morning and they asked me to visit at lunchtime who diagnosed a chest infection, duly loaded up with the usual steroids and anti biotics I headed back to work and wrapped myself around the nearest radiator until I got sent home at 2pm, sick. It was my weekend off so I was looking forward to 3 days doing nothing in the hope of recovering enough to return to work on Monday.

The rest of Thursday was spent in bed not feeling well but not feeling out of control either, my friend P popped round to see me and all seemed under control. I had a bad night on Thursday but, that was to be expected and on Friday I awoke feeling very grotty but after a nebuliser pulled round and got on with my day, most of which was spent blobbed out on the sofa. I also rang my nana informing her I would not be able to visit her the day after, something we were both very disappointed about.

Around 4pm I felt incredibly tired so lay down on the sofa, I was awoke with a start three quarters of an hour later struggling, which was a rather frightening experience. My chest was tight and congested so I got up took a walk round the house and had a nebuliser. I knew straight away something was wrong, as my level of breathlessness had increased and I was breathless at rest but, failed to see how poorly I was. Half an hour later my friend B turned up with my shopping which she had very kindly picked up and the effort of walking down the stairs from my flat to my front door left me so breathless it was difficult to speak. B was really concerned about the way I was looking and the difficulty I was experiencing in breathing and advised that I went to hospital for a check up. At first I could see little need my peak flow wasn't drastically low and I felt I would only be wasting their time, I tend to be very stubborn but I could see the concern and worry on Bs face, so I conceded defeat and agreed, thinking that I would probably waste everyones time, spend three hours in the waiting room to be told "you are fine, go home". Expect it didn't happen like that.

I arrived at A and E in B's car, B booked me following this we were instructed to sit and wait on the front row. Almost immediately I was called in, my obs were done and the next thing I knew a wheelchair was brought through, I was instructed to sit on it and I was wheeled through, not to a cubicle as I expected but straight through to rescuss, which shocked me somewhat and provided me with the first indication of how poorly I was, I think B realised my concern and did her best to reassure me. After this point things are a bit of blur, I was exhausted, struggling and scared. Staff surrounded me as tests were carried out my heart rate was 155 and in the words of the nurse "wibbly" my resps were 36, my sats were ok but my arterial blood gases (which took an agonizing 5 attempts) revealed that o2-Co2 concentration was out of balance and as a result the PH of my blood was altered. The care I received in A an E was excellent overall, there was one nurse whose attitude could of done with an improvement, it was very strange how it changed once I told him what I did for a living. I spent nearly 4 hours in rescuss, hooked up to a heart monitor and 02 saturation monitor.

At first there was talk of discharging me home with the support of community matrons as there was a shortage of beds in the hospital, it was then decided it safer to keep me "at least overnight". B made a few phone calls on my behalf informing work, family and friends of my impending admission. There was one very worrying occasion when my usual guinea pig sitter informed me that she was unable to look after them. Luckily P stepped into the breach thank goodness.

I was transferred to MAU were further tests were done including another arterial blood gas and my toilet rights were removed as I was too breathless to walk to the toilet. I later regained them on the condition I went on 02, which I never did. I generally tried to sneak across their without someone spotting me which was usually unsuccessful. Eventually I was settled into a hospital bed at 12 midnight, I was exhausted but unable to sleep not helped by the general noise of the hospital and still feeling shaken up by the nights events. Added to this was the fact I was in a lot of pain as one of my painkillers had to be stopped as it is contra indicated during phases of acute asthma and a consequence of my forced immobility resulting from the breathless my joints got more sore and stiff than normal, on one occasion I stood up and my hip simply gave way.

It was a difficult and exhausting few days spent in hospital, I have a regime of physiotherapy to carry out which is really helpful, I saw the respiratory nurse and she too was helpful. There then followed a very difficult conversation with my chest consultant in which I was told things which I am still finding hard to get my head round. At first it seemed like I would not be discharged till Tuesday but my chest consultant decided that it would be better for me if I came home on Monday but on the condition that I was seen in clinic on Tuesday which I did and he was happy with my progress.

Physically I am doing pretty well, getting there slowly but emotionally its hard. I know that this is normal, but the attack was not life threatening and I go through far less than my friend B who accompanied me to A and E, it was quite surreal to be sitting as a patient in A and E being treated for asthma when my peak flow was most likely higher that B's next to me and to say she caused some concern when she pulled her own neb out would be a slight understatement so I feel somewhat selfish and I can't work out why I feel the way I do.

My head is full of "clutter" and I can't seem to get my head round it, its not just what happened, its how it happened there is also the issue of the way that some people have let me down, one of those people is someone I knew would not be there for me but, it has taken me by surprise the fact that it has affected me the way it has, the other is a friend who has not really being their for me at all and has totally failed to appreciate how ill I have been and the fact that I am still far from well, texting me today asking me if I am driving again (I am out of necessity) and if so can do a 140 mile round drive to drop some pets off that she no longer feels able to care for at a rescue, she herself can drive but feels unable to do so due to stomach problems. I have informed that I will not be able to do this for at least 4 weeks due to the need to recover and also the fact that were the rescue is out in the sticks ans thus there is the added risk if I go off again. There is also the issue of how this illness makes me feel and that in itself is at times overwhelming, I feel a burden and a nuisance to others and I hate the way that I cause others so much concern when they themselves have so much to deal with. At the minute I think that I choosing to take the bury my head in the sand route and hoping it will all go away as I feel better physically however, I doubt this and I know at some point this array of emotions that is challenging me will have to be faced and dealt with.

These past few days have also taught me one key point. The importance and value of true friendship.

Breathing my way through 24 hours

Many peoples perception is asthma is that of a relatively minor illness that needs a couple of puffs of an inhaler and everything will be fine. I wish it was really like that, my asthma is pretty severe and my situation will not apply to everyone but here's a brief summary of the past 24 hours in my life.

2am Monday morning I awake coughing get up, check my peakflow and nebulise, ventolin and atrovent. I alert my tutor to my predicament, she tells me not to worry. In case you are wondering she wasn't up at 2am as well she lives in Canada so it was probably a perfectly social hour there.

5.30am Unable to settle because of the cough and breathlessness and getting concerned as neb isn't really lasting. Decide to have a ventolin neb and if that doesn't work I am dialing 999.

6am Neb has worked and I feeling better. Still can't sleep feeling exhausted and lonely.

8.30am Neb atrovent and ventolin again as starting to feel uncomfy again.

9.00am Finally feel more comfy and stable and at last around 9.30am I settle off to sleep.

1.15pm I awake, ring sick and then get up. Feeling very breathless and wheezy, back on the neb again atrovent and ventolin. Take my oral steroids, regular inhaler and tablet.

1.45pm Start getting dressed and ready for the day as rough as I feel making an appearance at the chemist in my PJs is not going to go down well. I have enough to deal with right now without adding getting arrested to my tally of lives little challenges.

2pm As my head is banging and my side is hurting were I have the infection I take some codeine and some paracetamol. Also ring the garage to tell them that I won't be bringing the car in today.

3.30pm Finally feel ready to face the world and walk out to my car (thank goodness I can drive) and head to Sainsburies. Breathless on getting to the car have a couple of puffs of my ventolin inhaler. Hand my script in and take a ssslllllooooowwww walk round the store while clutching on to a trolley. Turns out this episode of poorliness produces some advantages a reduce price ready meal for me and some reduced price veggies for the boys. Curly Kale 50 per cent extra free and 30p off. It take 5 bags and 2 bags of reduced price spinach. I will have happy pigs when I get home. Get my anti biotics, crikes they're like horse pills! Go to the till an elderly gentleman is behind me with two walking sticks in his trolley, he too is using his trolley as a walking aid. His informs me that he has just noticed his mince pies are buy one get one free. I offer to get him another box, there is always someone worse than me and I am willing to help. I totter off to get his mince pies, I hope he enjoys them, he was such a lovely man.

4.30pm Arrive back home, knackered. Take anti biotic.

5pm Mouth feels like something furry has died in it, the anti biotics are repeating and they taste foul and I am so dry.

6pm Time for some more nebs this time as well as using atrovent and ventolin I add a couple of saline to try and loosen the pond life in my lungs. It works but its exhausting to shift even the smallest amount. Then I wash up even that presents a slight challenge but if I washed up more frequently then maybe I wouldn't have as many pots to wash in the first place.

8pm head over to friends to care for her gorgeous nutty cat Z

8.10pm Potter round B's house do a bit of housework, its hard work even though I have done only a small amount but I enjoy it, it makes me feel useful. Make the bed while avoiding Z s paws waving in the air. He wants attention and a cuddle.

8.45pm Sit down and Z sits down on me, ensuring I stay put.

9pm Get told off by B for doing her housework while I am poorly. I don't like people fussing or worrying over me. I rest. My joints hurt a lot as well.

10.15pm Head home

10.30pm Sit, chill watch a DVD Casualty 1909. Put some ice cubes in the fridge to suck on as my mouth feels like the bottom of a budgies cage.

11pm Make some supper, high calorie easy to make, easy to eat. The noise of chopping onions send boys in to a tizwaz, I giggle as I listen to them squeaking and rampaging around their cages demanding more food even though they have only been fed a 3 hours early. I treat them to some spinach.

12pm time for another neb atrovent, ventolin and 2 saline

1am time for bed utterly exhausted, I have a hospital appointment in the morning at 9.30am I need to be up early so that I can take my morning meds and get pulled round in time. Then I have to battle through early morning traffic. Pants

2am Just settling down and I am disturbed by a bad coughing fit, PF isn't to bad so I have a few puffs of my inhaler via a spacer which helps a little.

2.45am Still coughing I concede defeat and take 2.5mg of ventolin. Bring up loads of gunk. Amuse my self by listening to "Bob the Builder" on my phone I no idea how that got on there but I will be singing "Big fish, little fish cardboard box, we are all having fun" for several days now. Except I am not, well not right now anyway.

3.30am I am still up totally wiped out now. Off to try for bed again. Night all