On the 18th May I saw my chest consultant and was given news that really shouldn't of come as a suprise but it did. I think hearing said to me, to my face has forced me to have to face my situation and it's hard. And it hurts, a lot. It's difficult to come to terms with and there has been a lot of tears as I have tried to come to terms with my situation and get my head round it, which often results in it all spilling out my ears. I realise now that I have and always will have a "life limiting disease" which will impact my life on an almost daily basis not just I'm terms of the medication I need to take but also the symptoms I will have to live and cope with. I know many people have to face far worse and I do not want to come across as someone full of self-pity with a "woe is me" attitude!
I will post more about it at a later date but, reflecting upon it I relise that the the time has come to change my outlook on life and That this should be reflected in my blog. For some time I have felt that my blog should be more encompassing of my whole life particularly as my studies and reflection upon then forms only a small part of this blog. This is not to say that my blogs focus will change to me asthma, rather the focus will be on living every aspect of my life in light of what my consultant told me. I hope this makes sense.
Watch this space, and just to note the blog web address remains the same though the title will not.
Monday, 31 May 2010
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Mixed news
First the good news and then the bad
Firstly and I am not sure how I got my case study in on time, all 16000 words/50 pages of it. It was hell, I was in so much pain at the end that I felt physically sick but daren't take my tramadol as it make me drowsy and I couldn't afford that to happen. I have come so far and to loose my graduate diploma on that was too much to contemplate.
Secondly, the bad news I saw my chest consultant the other day and effectively the light at the end of tunnel has had the bulb removed. I feel rather fragile at the minute, I know that there are others in a far worse position than me and I feel selfish feeling this way over it but its crap and I hate it. Added to this I had an asthma attack last night and this morning it remained bad so off to the doctors I went and was issued with a course of prednisolone and a further "rescue course" so we shall wait and see.
Sparky my guinea pig has been rather poorly but he is most definitely on the mend now, this was demonstrated this morning when he went completely back end over off the top of his bed with paws flying everywhere and a idnignated look at the end which said to his mum who laughing her head off "you didn't see that did you?" We head back to the vets for a check up in the morning.
Firstly and I am not sure how I got my case study in on time, all 16000 words/50 pages of it. It was hell, I was in so much pain at the end that I felt physically sick but daren't take my tramadol as it make me drowsy and I couldn't afford that to happen. I have come so far and to loose my graduate diploma on that was too much to contemplate.
Secondly, the bad news I saw my chest consultant the other day and effectively the light at the end of tunnel has had the bulb removed. I feel rather fragile at the minute, I know that there are others in a far worse position than me and I feel selfish feeling this way over it but its crap and I hate it. Added to this I had an asthma attack last night and this morning it remained bad so off to the doctors I went and was issued with a course of prednisolone and a further "rescue course" so we shall wait and see.
Sparky my guinea pig has been rather poorly but he is most definitely on the mend now, this was demonstrated this morning when he went completely back end over off the top of his bed with paws flying everywhere and a idnignated look at the end which said to his mum who laughing her head off "you didn't see that did you?" We head back to the vets for a check up in the morning.
Sunday, 16 May 2010
Hanging on by my fingertips
This is hard, bloody hard.
I am exhausted and in a lot of pain, sitting for long periods of time at typing away does no favours for my joints resulting in them stiffening up and becoming increasingly painful, which is slowing me down. Tonight after trying a variety of approaches with the aim managing my pain which normally works out of desperation I took the maximum recommended dose of my tramadol, which is double what I am prescribed other than leaving me feeling nauseous I don't seem to have experienced to many ill effects from it.
I have come so close to giving up but I can't allow myself to do this I have come so far and battled through too much too give up now, plus I owe to, too many people to keep going. I have the support of my friend who have been amazing over the past few days supporting me and pushing me on.
I am going to bed know with a planned start of 9am tomorrow.
I am exhausted and in a lot of pain, sitting for long periods of time at typing away does no favours for my joints resulting in them stiffening up and becoming increasingly painful, which is slowing me down. Tonight after trying a variety of approaches with the aim managing my pain which normally works out of desperation I took the maximum recommended dose of my tramadol, which is double what I am prescribed other than leaving me feeling nauseous I don't seem to have experienced to many ill effects from it.
I have come so close to giving up but I can't allow myself to do this I have come so far and battled through too much too give up now, plus I owe to, too many people to keep going. I have the support of my friend who have been amazing over the past few days supporting me and pushing me on.
I am going to bed know with a planned start of 9am tomorrow.
Thursday, 13 May 2010
I'm back!
Well its time for a very quick update.
Italy was amazing as was the wedding, the town the wedding was held in was gorgeous and the day itself was warm and sunny. Rome was much busier, manic in fact. Was amazing to see some of the many sights. As I overheard someone, "to little time-to much city". Watch out for photos, there will be a blog post dedicated to my week in Italy.
I am still plodding along with my essay, I was awarded a short extension which makes my life a bit easier but I am struggling to keep motivated as its such a demanding essay and I am expected to write what equates to in terms of word count a dissertation in a month.
So I will be off now and continue my studying. See you on the other side.
Italy was amazing as was the wedding, the town the wedding was held in was gorgeous and the day itself was warm and sunny. Rome was much busier, manic in fact. Was amazing to see some of the many sights. As I overheard someone, "to little time-to much city". Watch out for photos, there will be a blog post dedicated to my week in Italy.
I am still plodding along with my essay, I was awarded a short extension which makes my life a bit easier but I am struggling to keep motivated as its such a demanding essay and I am expected to write what equates to in terms of word count a dissertation in a month.
So I will be off now and continue my studying. See you on the other side.
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