I have just come back from 4 amazing nights away one night at Nottingham, at a party to celebrate my sisters wedding. Some people where amazed that I got someone up dancing who had not taken to the dance floor for 20 years. I caused some amusement by sticking my inhaler in the top of my dress. At the beginning of the night we were given a free glass of champagne. Except I had 5 free glasses.
The next 3 nights were spent in the Lake District where I got caught up, indirectly in the horror of yesterday. My thoughts go out to the families of the dead and injured, let us not forget too the devastating effect it must be having on the perpetrators family, they are just as much his victims as those he shot killed and maimed. I feel that it makes my struggles in coming to terms with my own current situation almost inappropriate and irrelevant in light of the bigger picture of what has happened.
My last post was written on my mobile while sitting on the beach at Arnside, I have really appreciated having the time out. I always feel so much closer to God when the business of day to day life is allowed to melt into the back ground.
Having time out also gave me time to stop, think and reflect. These last few weeks have been incredibly busy and have allowed little time for this, yet much has happened both work wise, personally and individually and I needed time to process it all. Some of it easy to do, some of it harder.
The one thing that I really needed to do was process what my consultant had told me and I will at some time soon dedicate a post to it however, at this stage I feel not quite ready to do this. In my last post I referred to the fact that I needed to change the focus of my life on reflection I don't think it is so much changing the focus of my life that I need to do but rather re adjust my life in order to come to terms and learn to live with the fact that this is it.
This is proving to be a massive challenge to me as I have come to realise that while I need to come to terms with thing and get my head around it at it were I don't want to, because to do so would be to accept that this is what my life is going to be like and I really don't want to accept that. But I know I have to, and I can't work a way through it, it's like trying to pick a pathway through dense woodland in thick fog. I know I will get there but right now not sure how.
During this time the words of Jeremiah 29 v 11 keep going around my head
"For I know I have plans for you" declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
No comments:
Post a Comment